Hi bluelotus,
I don't want to go too far off the main subject of these forums which is, of course, Copyright.
But I will try and answer your questions.
Don't get confused about the rules which apply to URLs and those which apply to company names. The former are fairly unregulated, and are in effect no more than an address similar in function to a postal address. Unscrupulous people realised early on that you could fool people into coming to their site by using a confusingly similar URL to some more famous or important site. This goes on all the time and often it is perfectly legal. The regulation of company names is much older and is enshrined in law. As you will know from the link I posted earlier in this thread, there is a distinction between a company name and a business name. Many high street 'names' are business names (or brands) but the name of the company which owns a particular store, such as, say, TopShop will not always be apparent to the normal consumer. Although, in the case of TopShop, since Sir Philip Green has been in the news recently, many more people will be aware that the major company behind TopShop is
Arcadia Group Ltd.
So with that in mind, it is possible to have URLs which are confusingly similar (often this is deliberate) to company names or to other URLs. There are two places where disputes about URLs can be sorted out: first are the various less formal Domain Name Dispute Resolution panels (usually each top level domain registrar will have its own panel) and secondly, if things get more serious, the national courts can get involved, as with the Phones4U case I linked to previously.
It seems to me that what you are trying to do in selecting in suitable URL is to find one which describes what service the site provides, preferably in a memorable way. But because, as you have discovered, there are so many other sites with very similar names you run the risk that someone may misremember (or mistype) your URL and end up on a rival's site, which isn't what you want. Think about two very famous URLs: Google and Ebay. If you had never heard of them you would have no idea from their 'name' what service they provided. The reason they became successful was nothing to do with name as such, rather that they were catchy and memorable. Why do you think the well known DIY store B&Q chose
www.diy.co.uk for its online presence? (incidentally, B&Q is yet another 'business name' rather than a company name).
On the specific point about using your real name. That only applies to trade marks, and it is not a 100% guarantee that you will be able to use your real name. Here's what the law says:
(2)A registered trade mark is not infringed by—
(a) the use by a person of his own name or address,
(b) the use of indications concerning the kind, quality, quantity, intended purpose, value, geographical origin, the time of production of goods or of rendering of services, or other characteristics of goods or services, or
(c) the use of the trade mark where it is necessary to indicate the intended purpose of a product or service (in particular, as accessories or spare parts),
(Trade marks Act 1994 Section 11(2))
So for instance if you decided to change your name to Dorothy Perkins just in order to open a women's fashion shop that looked remarkably similar to the existing brand, you would probably face a claim of passing-off, which is a common law matter quite separate from trade mark law.
I think you need to evaluate what you want your URL to do, and to a lesser extent what you want your company or business name to do. If you just want to improve your Search Engine Optimisation to ensure you get more new contacts coming to your site, there are better and more flexible ways of doing that. However if you want a catchy and memorable URL for people who have already heard about your site from some other source, does the URL actually need to say anything about the purpose of the site (remember the Google example)? If you intend to operate as a sole trader then you don't need any company or business name at this stage, as your own name effectively performs that function. Later on you may need to incorporate your company and that can be done using any company name you like which hasn't already been registered (in fact you can buy 'ready-made' company registrations if you want) and then simply use your chosen business name for branding purposes. There are certain technical conditions you need to fulfil (such as a notice in your business premises saying that you are trading as XYZ) but that can easily be sorted out later.